Feature Comedy | 1950 | Sound | B/W
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Shot of "Miejski Zakead Pogrzebowy" and accompanying English caption "Municipal undertaker". Shop front with coffin and flowers in the window. Pan across to horse and cart with a sign on "Urgon 69". Inside the cart, a man is sleeping. His snores can be heard from outside. he has a moustache a funny hat (like Napoleon) and stripey tight son his bandy legs. He wakes sharply and bangs his head on the roof of the vart. He peers through a grilled window into the street. His point of view of a woman looking into the undertaker's window. Close up on his eyes through the grille. He says "For heaven's sake, I'm alive. Why did they put me in this van?" He knocks on the side of the van. Two men (drivers) in front look at each other suspiciously. One says, "Quiet, evil spirit, submit to your fate" He says "Why did I die? My liver's healthy". Driver (not seen) replies, "You drunk!" drunk swears never to touch another drop and goes back to knocking on the wall. He sees a boy running through the street and calls for help. Drivers turn around and nod to each other. Drunk is appealing to the boy to "save the father of a lare family".
Moustachioed driver hits drunk several times with a hammer. Drunk passes out. Boy in street looks scared. He nervously backs into the parked carthorse and jumps. he steals a lamp from the cart and rests it against the window of the undertakers. Boys runs away. cart carrying drunk is driven away. Cut to the following day. Longshot of a part with a bench. Woman sleeps on it with a blanket covering her. A man in checked shirt approaches her, carrying a bunch of flowers. He is about to leave the flowers when he turns to a man on a motorcycle who is making too much noise. He waves for the biker to be quiet. Biker stops his engine, pedals away. Man leaves flowers on woman's pillow and looks pleased. He puts on a black cap and jacket (a uniform?)Woman wakes. She asks who the flowers are from. He replies "A certain policeman". He sits on the bench. She cleans a dirty mark from his face. She tells him his uniform is scary. He sees two senior policemen approaching and hurriedly put on his cap and stands to attention. They pass him, oblivious. Cut to the woman (Eva?) and policeman walking together down a quiet street. Horse and cart parked in different street. Man in white hat and apron (baker?) takes a basket out of the back and takes it into the shop. Outside the shop, a surly-looking man looks down the road. Surly man steals the horse and cart. Baker coes out with a bigger basket. He drops it and bread is spilled on to the road. he looks at his rapidly disappearing van and chases it, dri=opping loaves as he does so. He rounds a corner and bumps into Eva and policeman. Policeman refuses to help as he is off duty.
Baker throws his last loaf down in anger. Cut to inside police station.. There is a large city map covering most of one wall and a desk with an old telephone on the right. In the foreground, a detective speaks on the telephone and tells his colleague that another van has been stolen. Superior officer paces, clearly distressed.. Outside at junction,two horse-drawn vans almost collide. The drivers fight. A third van pulls up. The driver gets out and he is attacked. A van carrying someone important comes round the corner and the other drivers stand still and doff their caps. The three drivers run after the important van. Cut to policeman taking a call in the office. He reports another van theft and his senior officer looks distraught. Cut to boy previously seen in the street at night. He is asleep on a cart. He wakes on the approach of the surly man who drives another cart. Surly man brandishes a belt and boy looks scared. Surly man is about to whip the boy when the boy shouts "Police". A dark-haired, incopetent looking officer strolls up, disturbing a horse as he does so. He asks who owns the van. Boy says "It's mine." Policeman examines the van. Third thief in stiped shirt wanders over, whistling. Policeman startes at third thief and passes him, looking for the van's registration plate. Third thief pulls a large stick or club out of his trousers. Two other thieves appear with weapons concealed behind their backs. They surround the policeman. Boy tells the policeman he has bird poo on his cap.
Ploiceman removes his cap and is struck twice over the head and bundled unconscious into the van. The drunk is still in there and he whimpers pitifully. Stripey shirt man hits the drunk. Cut to Eva and blond policeman. They arrive at a large building (a school or college). She thanks him for the flowers. She asks him to teach her to play the whistle. He agrees and gives her his whistle from his uniform. Close up of their faces smiling. He fails to chat her up, using a lne about chess. He walks away. She picks up her suitcase and heads up the stairs. She turns and blows the whistle. He asks her to teach him chess. They arrange to meet that evening. Eva goes inside. Cut to police office. The map now has flashing light son it to show where the vans were stolen from. The two policemen stand in front of it looking very worried. Blond policeman is speaking on a different telephone. He reports another theft. Cut to police chief in very grand uniform. Behind him, oficers move models on a map. An assistany holds up a telephone which he barks his commands into. He decides to wait for instructions from his senior officers. Cut to gang of thieves. Two of them dance amusingly and bump into blond policeman. Policeman looks around the street. There are many dodgy pedlar and peasant types. Surly man buys some food from a woman pedlar. He sees the policeman who looks scared. Gang of thieves begin to close in on policeman. Copper reaches for his whistle but it is missing. He walks slowly. The gang follow. One raises a club to hit him when the boy shouts "Stop!" The boy pretends the policeman is their chief and makes a report of their thefts and gang to him. Boy intorduces the gang "Gas Pipe Henry" (striped shirt), "joe Key - Shoplifter", "Tired Tony - Pickpocket", "Silent Sid - Catburglar", "Picklock Pete" and "Lush Lola". Coper shakes hands with Professor of felony. Henry ask s for their next orders. Henry suggests they give back the vans so there will be bread delivered. The thieves run to vans. Boy is left in centre of the square shouting "We've got a chief, no need to worry!" and so forth.
The vans depart behind him. he runs alongside some vans. Roadsign reads "To City Jail" transslation in caption. Boy sees a policeman. It looks like the vans are going down a parade route as there is a large crowd behind a barrier, which the policeman supervises. Boy tells the policeman to arrest the criminals. Policeman says "Take care I don't arrest you! Get behind the rope! Can't you see they're filming." Boy creeps into crowd. The director of a nearby film crew shouts, "Cut!". See old film camera and man writing on a clapperboard. Director asks, "Have the thieves left the set?" "Did they take the pickle jar with the grenade? The crew search for the jar. Close up on the jar on th e floor. It bubbles and froths and smokes rises from it. Crew run (speeded up) Small explosion. End titles.
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